Where is the hickey?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
