I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
