I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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