I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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