So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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