ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
