the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
