Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
