She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize