just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
