yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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