i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
