I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
