The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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