at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm just crazy horny about you
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
