dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
