fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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