I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Randomize
