i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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