Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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