I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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