If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
