I faked an abortion last night.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
