he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
