Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
