if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
