I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
