if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
