Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
A bitchslap is in order.
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