Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
