How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
