Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
