super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
