I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
