actually, I'm a sock model
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
