i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
