My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
