My liver just broke up with me...
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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