the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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