He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
