This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
