@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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