my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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