I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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