There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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