Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the liver wants what the liver wants
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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