At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
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He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
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I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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