Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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