Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
