and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
