Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
