He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
