is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
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SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
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You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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