we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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