i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
