i think my mom watched the whole time
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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