what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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