Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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