AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
