life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
