Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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