if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
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