Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
