i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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