can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I want a musical about memes.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
