At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Did I show you my penis last night?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
