i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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