Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
