She said her name was "party"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
