If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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