i can't believe i had my finger in that
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
