Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
