I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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