Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
