It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Randomize
