dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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