I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Randomize
