I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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