they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
