Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
