I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
