Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
