Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
