My sheets look like a crime scene.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
the liver wants what the liver wants
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
