Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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