I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I need a beard to bite.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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